Today, Gaia and I decided to search for Little Women at school. We soon discovered that a website, www.cinema.com, did not have a synopsis for Little Women. In a fit of genius, we created a new email address and sent firstname.lastname@example.org a well-deserved letter. The text of this letter can be found below for your amusement!
Today, I turned on the computer. I booted up the internet and went to www.google.com for my daily Little Women (1994) fix. I searched for Little Women as I had done every day since the movie came out in 1994. Today, your website was brought to my attention by Google's "Get lucky!" link. I clicked it, anticipating the miraculous moment when I would view the newest synopsis of Little Women. But this was not to be.
Instead, I was shocked to see this (and I quote) upon the screen of my computer:
"We do not currently have a synopsis for this movie."
Shocked, I backed away from the computer in horror. What right have you to strike a child? In God's eyes, we are all children and we are all equals! I am only a poor, innocent Little Women fan.
Tears rose to my eyes. I returned to the computer warily, eyeing the screen in distaste. This must be some joke, some foul conspiracy! No one in their right minds would neglect to post a synopsis for LITTLE WOMEN...THE Little Women that has shaped our American country. Angrily, I called up another window and logged in to my email. I write to you now to express my deep displeasure.
Little Women is the essence of the American dream. Since I watched it for the first time in 1994, the Friday it appeared in theatres has become a day of worship for me. I was reborn on that Friday, re-shaped and re-everythinged. All the wrongs in my life disappeared on that Friday as I watched Christian Bale with his psuedo-American accent proclaim "HAS Meg mislayed a certain personal article...such as...a GLOVE?!" and mischeviously tap a book, a bright fire in his eyes.
I was in love. I counted down the months, weeks, days until the movie would appear on video. I was the first to snatch it from the racks of Blockbuster as it appeared at midnight on that wonderful evening. I had bought myself a widescreen television in anticipation of the event. I was ready.
Since that day that I purchased Little Women (1994), I have not spent a single day without watching at least one hour of it. This movie pulled me from depression and gave me the strength to move on, to grasp what the essence of LIFE and the American dream truly is!
I have been insulted. I have been violated. I have been attacked. I have been crushed. I have felt my heart ripped from my body, demolished, burnt, chewed up and regurgitated into a small wet puddle on the floor. I have been deprived of seeing Christian Bale's name in the small part of the synopsis devoted to him. This, this has broken my dreams.
I choose not to write you a synopsis on my own. Truly, I could do so! It would be no trouble to me to tell you the marvelous story behind Little Women (1994). And yet...I think that you should do it yourselves. If you have no synopsis, then you must not have watched this amazing film! And so, on behalf of Christian Bale, Little Women (1994), and the American Dream, I ask YOU to create the synopsis. To describe the film. To feel it in your bones. This is all I ask in return for the grievous wrongs done to me on this tragic November day.
I thank you for your time. I wish you'd spent a little more time and actually made the synopsis, you hateful scum of the earth! But I thank you for your time, anyway.
A truly devoted fan of Little Women (1994)
By the time were done with this, we were in hysterics. We even had Sam rolling with laughter. So watch out, you hateful scum of the earth! Little Women (1994) will prevail!